


if you love me say it first.

by maiaslightwood



Series: keep me for eternity. [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drunk Alec Lightwood, Episode: s03e06 A Window Into An Empty Room, Fix-It of Sorts, Hugs, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiaslightwood/pseuds/maiaslightwood
Summary: It's a night full of terror but Magnus finds a small moment of peace, standing in a crowded bar and wrapped in the arms of the man he loves.





	if you love me say it first.

**Author's Note:**

> i really just found this on my laptop and decided to post it since it never made it on here after 3.06. i still wish we would have gotten a scene of drunk!alec with magnus and that the 3.07 one went a little differently so here, have my slightly canon divergent version ft. clizzy (if you blink you miss it), hugs and a promise of a future.
> 
> title from _say it first_ by sam smith.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Alcohol. alec is still drunk when magnus finds him.

The air in the Hunter’s Moon is thick with alcohol and laughter. It curls around Magnus in all its warmth as he scans the crowd for the familiar faces and yet it’s unable to replace the cold that has seeped into his bones ever since their discovery five minutes ago. It’s made worse by the fact he and Clary have to break the news to the rest of the Lightwoods now.

“There they are.” Clary sounds so broken, arms tightly wrapped around herself but there is a deep determination mixed within her voice that has him fearing for her well-being in trying to fix this.

They push through the crowd to the table Maryse and Isabelle are sitting at, chatting with smiles on their lips and warmth in their eyes. It’s a sight that makes everything a little more bearable for a moment, a stark contrast to just a few months ago when Maryse had seemed so determined on ruining her children’s lives to just uphold their family name. She looks different now, skin clear of any runes but also far more at ease and happy than Magnus remembers ever seeing her and it’s not for the first time that he wonders if maybe the deruning will do her more good than bad.

Their smiles turn to them as they stop in front of the table, greetings already visible on their lips before their faces fall, clearly taking in Clary and his grim expressions. Both stand immediately, rounding the table as Isabelle’s hands find Clary’s arms, her worried gaze jumping between the two of them. “What’s wrong?”

Clary opens her mouth once, twice but no sound makes it out, gaze falling to the floor.

“We need to talk.” Magnus offers instead and he tries not to sound too defeated, too grim but the two pair of brown eyes which meet him tell him differently, worry intensified immediately. Maryse’s brows furrow as she cocks her head to the side, a look of confusion so similar to Alexander’s it would be endearing in any other situation. “At the Institute.” 

There’s a beat of silence, an exchange of looks before Isabelle nods, one arm wrapping around Clary’s shoulder in support but before she can say anything three drinks are placed on the table top. The man coming to a halt next to Magnus looks between them all with a bright smile, dark eyes clouded a little with confusion as his gaze jumps from Magnus to Clary and then Isabelle. “Uhh… hi. Is everything okay?”

Isabelle nods immediately, a quick cover-up of the tension in the air and Magnus can tell easily the man is a mundane who has no idea what kind of bar he has walked into.

“Sure, this—… Clary, Magnus this is Charlie.” Isabelle smiles brightly but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. The man turns towards him as he extends a hand. “Magnus is Alec’s—…”

 

“Magnus!” His name is carried over to them above the noise in the bar, a testament to how loud Alec is calling out to him or maybe just how tuned Magnus is to recognizing this voice anywhere. It’s wired into him to answer, to find the mop of dark hair and bright hazel eyes belonging to the man who so quickly, so easily has claimed his heart in its entirety.

The first thing Magnus notices is the wide smile on Alec’s lips, unexpected since the last time they saw each other he had torn his gaze away in fury and walked out barefoot just to avoid being near him. Now Alec walks _towards_ him with purpose, eyes crinkling at the corners and fixed on him with such intent that it reminds Magnus of a certain almost-wedding where neither of them was able to tear their eyes away until Alexander had pulled him in close. The second thing Magnus notices is how he seems to be swaying with every step and — _Oh_.

Alec pulls him into a hug as soon as he’s within reach, arms wrapping around his shoulders and immediately burying his face in his neck. Magnus reacts on instinct, returning the embrace with a sigh of relief, the weight wearing him down all day suddenly vanishing. This isn’t the reunion he expected and he’s sure Alexander’s ignorance of their parting this morning is more due to alcohol than anything else. Magnus’s suspicion is somewhat confirmed when a wave of gin hits him as Alec breathes out heavily, his nose tugging at the collar of his shirt. The gust of warm air against his neck and collarbone makes him shudder.

Distantly, Magnus hears faint murmurs from behind him, fading as the group walks a little to give them some privacy and quickly drowned out when something is mumbled, muffled by his skin and shirt.

“What was that?” 

He tries to get Alec to pull back slightly but is rewarded with hands gripping at his shoulders instead, not willing to let go. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” The words are easier to make out now, whispered below his ear and a secret to the rest of the world. “I would never—“  
“I know. I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean what I said.” He presses a soft kiss to the side of Alec’s head into the mess of dark hair. “Let’s talk about this in the morning alright? Right now we need—“

“I just love you so much.” It’s like Alexander hasn’t even heard him, pressing on with words slurred and desperate against his bare neck. “And I don’t want to lose you… **_never_** , you know? It’s… it’s not fair.” He can almost feel his heart clenching at the words, a dull pain pulsing within his chest. How he wishes they could talk it out right now, go home and sit down and apologize properly and seal it with a bittersweet, languid kiss.

“You could never lose me”, Magnus whispers back, his fingertips running a soothing path up Alexander’s spine. He can’t quite bring himself to pull back. Instead, he soaks up the Shadowhunters warmth, the way he clings to him with drunk desperation. It fills him with a certain type of hope he more than needs right now.

It takes a few seconds of harsh breathing, and Magnus almost wonders if Alexander has heard him at all, but when he finally answers his voice is suddenly clearer, filled with a promise: “You will **_never_** lose me.”

Magnus’s heart clenches again; for the future that Alexander promises that may never come and for the next hours when he’ll have to lay open exactly how he unknowingly helped some demon get its claws into his brother. It’s selfish maybe to want to hold on for just a moment longer, to press another kiss to Alexander’s brow and hold him tighter in a bar filled with people’s laughter and nighttime magic. 

 _There’s nothing you two can’t work out_. Alexander tightens his arms around him once more and so, Magnus has to believe that’s true.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on [tumblr](http://eternalalec.tumblr.com) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/wylanfaheys) if you want!


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